If you want to find yourself a nice guy, you could go for walks in the park with a cute doggie. Just look around if you find yourself in a park: dog owners do love talking to each other. Enough to talk about, since they are companions in adoration for four-footed hairballs. No wonder there’s a lot of flirting going on over the backs of the wagging shitfactories.
Of course there are women who are looking for a decent bloke, but who dislike dogs. I’ve got the perfect solution. Don’t buy a dog anyway! Barking, drooling, scratching, stinking and panting; you’ll never get used to it, not even for this higher cause. No. Buy a race bike. Take it with you on the train. I assure you: nice men will start talking to you without a doubt. It goes like this: First, they’ll study your bike from the corner of their eye.
Second, they’ll check you out. Then they’ll examine your bike a bit more thoroughly. You’ve got to keep looking the other way pretty stubbornly to avoid a conversation now. One small moment of eye contact and the guy will burst out: “Nice bike! Do you ride it frequently? Where? Do you like to climb?” – and he’ll start telling you all about his own cycling adventures. And his reflections on life itself.
Last week, for example, I met a soldier who poetically compared the battle field in Afghanistan with the battle field of a bunch sprint. I talked to an American bike fan who thought the speed bumps in the Netherlands are lethal. And the obviously lesbian railway conductor gave me a juicy wink of the eye after she found out that the cool bike belonged to me – and not to some random guy, like she’s used to.
The men who start talking to me on the train are all sporty and attractive. Some are even handsome too. Before you know it you’ve got yourself a bike date. Just like that, on the train. It only costs you 6 euros for the bike ticket (at least, in the Netherlands). You can’t even buy half a bag of Bonzo for that.
See. That’s what I mean.